Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Birth Plans & Such

So, before you read ahead let me start by saying I DO NOT PLAN ON HAVING A BIRTH PLAN. But I thought it would be fun to post one so everyone can see the type of plans some bring with them to the hospital. And yes I'm dead serious! I love reading birth plans...and at the same time I love laughing at them. Come on are you really serious? And how many times does the birth/labor go as planned?????

Name: Stephanie
Partner's Name: Joshua
Due Date: August 3rd 2009

Blood Type: A
Rh Factor: positive

Health Care Provider Name: A+ Doctor
Hospital/Birthing Center where you plan to deliver: Presbyterian Huntersville

Labor induction/augmentation

If I go past my due date if baby and I's health is not at risk, I would prefer not to be induced
I would prefer trying the following methods to induce labor:
* Walking

I would like the following to be present during labor: Big purple bouncing ball (ummm...yes I've read this one, they were referring to a birthing ball but hilarious how it was put)

I would like the following to be present during actual birth:
I would like to bring music(of course because I want to create that perfect environment).I would prefer dim lighting (Heck yeah, lets make it romantic in there).I would like to wear my own clothes (Are you really serious...have you seen what happens during delivery. No THANKS!).I would prefer to stay in one room during labor, birth, and post delivery if available.I would like to be able to film baby\'s birth.(Yes, of course. I want to watch it everyday and at every birthday party for the next 18 years) I would like to be able to walk around, mobility is important to me.


I would like the following equipment available to me. If unavailable, I would like to bring them with me, if possible.
* Birthing ball (Yes, don't forget my big purple ball)
* Beanbag (I might need to lounge around)
* Birthing pool or tub


I would prefer not to be given an enema
I would prefer to be able to eat and drink during labor (Yes, this way if I have a c-section I will be more at risk for aspiration).I would prefer no IV unless absolutely necessary.If I need an IV, I would like to use a heparin or saline lock


I would prefer no monitoring to be done if there are no signs of distress.I would prefer external monitoring if monitoring is necessary. (I would prefer to not know how my baby is tolerating the contractions. Who cares if he is having decels)

Anesthesia - Pain medication

I would prefer to try laboring without pain medication (I plan on being a macho woman) . I will ask if I would like something for pain. Please do not ask me.

First Stage of Labor

I do not want to be seperated from my partner during labor or birth.I would like the option of returning home if my labor is not progressing.I would like no time limits on laboring and prefer labor not to be augmented unless medically necessary.


I'd prefer not to have an episiotomy. (Most certainly, I would prefer to tear naturally)

Second Stage of Labor (pushing)

I would like to be able to try any position comfortable during pushing.I would like to wait to push until I feel the urge even if I am fully dilated.

After Birth

I would like to have baby placed on my chest immediately after birth.I would like to cut the cord myself.I would like to wait on cutting the umbilical cord until it stops pulsating.I would like to have baby\'s first bath and assessment to be done in my presence.I would like baby to room in with me.I would like to stay as long as possible.

Cesarian Section

I would like to avoid a c-section if possible.If c-section is necessary, I would like my partner present


Do not give my baby a pacifier (Who cares about all the recent studies that have shown a reduction in SIDS)


I do not want my son to be circumcised (Forget about the problems he may face down the road).

Additional Comments

Simple Rules:
1. No curmudgeon's allowed in the room (Yes, I have read this one. And for those that don't know what this is...is a miser or an ill-tempered (and frequently old) person full of stubborn ideas or opinions.)
2. Please float into the room (I've read this as well...and have tried to figure out how to do so)
3. No negative words are to be said such as pain or hurt. (This is a VERY common thing on birthplans)
4. Do not offer me any pain medicine (if I need it you will know) (Also very common)
5. I am a germ-a-phobe so my husband will be there germ busting. Thank you for making this such a wonderful experience. (Yes, I've read this one...only instead of the husband germ busting it was the grandmother)
6. Do not fall under my husbands hypnotic spell. (Yes, I'm serious! This is real. However, I have heard that the hypnosis really does do wonders when you're in labor)


The Parker's said...

My mom will completely appreciate this. She says that people who come in with a birthplan have a big c-section stamped on their foreheads!

The Parker's said...

I actually talked to my mom about your post, and she added one more that they just got this week.

Circumcision: Please leave Zachary's manhood intact. No snip, snip.


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